Sick ... and ... Tired

I am trying so hard right now to be understanding, but as a parent, sometimes it gets difficult. Every time I think we have made good progress, something comes up and seems to kick us back a step. Today was one of those days. Danny had his first school birthday party today. It started at 1:00 and was at the karate school down the block. We had everything ready, the gift, the card, the boys... or so I thought. First of all, how do you explain to a younger sibling why he was not invited to the birthday party? Believe me you, I did not sugar coat it, I explained everything to Zachary, but he still got upset, which did not start the party off well. Then, dan decided he wanted to hide behind me and not look or talk to any of the kids, which made the other parents stare. I am so sick of people telling me to just grab him and stick him into a situation he is not comfortable about, especially people who have not delt with a special needs child or one who is afraid of everything including his shadow. Believe me, I tried to get him out by the other kids, I tried to walk away or sit right next to him- nothing worked. All he did was start to cry... then what do you do? You don't want your child crying in front of his peers, you don't want him to be made fun of, you always hope your child will be accepted. In our case, I just never know which personality is going to show up when we are out and about. Are the boys going to be shy and afraid, or are they gonna want to jump around with the other kids. How do you as a parent not get frustrated and how do you keep your cool in front of the other parents with out over-protecting or babying your child? Who ever thinks that they will be dealing with this at the age of 5? Well, we can only wait and see what happens next time. The neurologist told us that Dan is "extremely" over empathetic, how do you change that, or is he always going to be this way? I wish I knew all the answers some times, but then I would'nt be a mom! Have a great weekend!